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Shooting Industry February 2012 Digital Edition - Page 24

Back Blast Back Blast & other hot gases hen the first calls came in, deputies in Yavapai County, Ariz., thought they were responding to some kind of terrorist incident. A young woman had walked into a Chevron Station on Highway 69 holding a bulky object under her sweater and threatening to explode her bomb if the clerk didn’t fork over all the cash, quick. The clerk wasn’t buying the story without seeing some kinda recognizable explosive device, though. Following a brief exchange of “Gimme the money or I’ll set it off!” and “Yeah? First show me the bomb, lady!” the crime sorta lost momentum and the downcast terrorist shuffled out. Deputies found Andri Jeffers a block away, hugging her “bomb” — a stuffed penguin. My advice: Never give up your money for a plushy penguin. Insist on, at the very least, a Zombie Clown doll. Illustration by Nick Petrosino Commander Gilmore Hey, That’s One Scary Little Penguin, Lady! W The instant Ambre Boroughs lifted her suitcase off the conveyor belt at the airport in Charleston, S.C., she knew something was wrong. It was too light. Sure enough, her new HP 9000 laptop computer was gone. She went through the usual not-ourfault, you’re-outta-luck dance with the airline, and TSA was clueless. All they could tell her was that her computer was in the suitcase at Chicago’s Midway airport when they passed it along to baggage handlers. She knew that already. If anything was gonna be done, it would have to be done by her. So, she asked herself, where’s the first place to look for salable stolen goods? Craigslist, of course! Ambre typed in “HP 9000,” centered her search in the Chicago area, and it took her, oh, several minutes to find a nice color photo of her laptop, bearing a distinctive logo sticker from her favorite band, which she had placed on it before her trip. Her call to the seller was immediately answered, and the dude said he had many laptops for sale. Ambre made an appointment to pick it up, but since it would be such a long trip from Charleston to Chicago, she called the police department and asked if they would stand in for her. They graciously agreed, 24 FEBRUARY 2012 You Just Gotta Look In The Right Place retrieving her computer and a truckload of other goodies logged as “removed from checked luggage of ticketed passengers on Southwest Airlines at Midway” — plus picked up three young “entrepreneurs.” Sometimes the best detective work is done by amateurs, folks. That might be the best course of action. Due to a malfunctioning multimillion dollar computer system in the Hillsborough County Court Clerk’s office, it seems the traffic ticket records of some folks just kind of disappear into cyberspace, and as long as they don’t try to pay ’em, it’s like the ticket never happened. On the other hand, if you pay your fine, you could wind up with your license suspended, or your fine gets triple-billed against your credit card — and you still might be arrested! Also, it seems judges can’t even access the system, and defense attorneys say they can’t access the traffic website. Other than that, it’s working just fine! The Clerk’s office describes the problems as “intermittent,” but apparently they’re “mittent” enough that officials have considered just dumping the entire system. Ain’t technology wonderful? We would suggest hiring a 9-year-old Taiwan- ese kid with twin Ph.D.s in computer engineering and electronics to fix it all in half an hour at a cost of a root beer and a bag of Doritos. It worked for us! Forget Your Tampa Tickets After getting banged up in a traffic accident, poor Joseph Wheeler wound up in Prince George’s Hospital in Upper Marlboro, Md. He had numerous impact injuries, but somebody on staff goofed and wrote him up for cancer surgery. He didn’t have cancer. When he saw the operating schedule and figured it out, he raised the issue, but he says nobody would listen. They basically told him to shut up and let the professionals do their jobs. Not enthused about his injuries going untreated, and gettin’ carved up like a Thanksgiving turkey for no good reason, he then tried to leave. According to his lawsuit, that’s when two burly security guys grabbed him and delivered a new round of injuries. He said one yelled at him, “Get off the floor! I don’t care who you think you are, this is my camp!” Wheeler finally escaped and went to Saint Mary’s Hospital where he was treated for a concussion, four broken ribs, shoulder injuries and a ruptured spleen. 9 We’re Gonna Help You Whether You Like It Or Not Subscribe to SI DIGITAL

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