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Shooting Industry August 2012 Digital Edition - Page 26

Back Blast Back Blast & other hot gases Got The Box And Lost The Jewels hat’s an old saying among old-school thieves. It refers to a bungled crime: one in which the perpetrator mistakenly heists the costume jewelry instead of the real baubles; or thinks he got the family silver, but came away with the stainless; maybe a caper where he got the goods, but dropped the best of ’em while making his escape. We’ll let you be the judge of this one. Cops in Indiana, Pa., say an enterprising thief somehow maneuvered a huge 65-inch flatscreen TV out of a lady’s apartment, and conveniently stole a car outside to whisk it away in. The only troublewasthatthestolencarwasonthesmallishside—acompactsedan—andtheoverachievingthiefcouldn’tfitthatmonster TV into it. After trying nine ways from Sunday to get about a third of it into the trunk, he finally drove away with his prize precariouslybalancedandstickin’outtheback—kinda like trying to stuff a cricket bat into the hip pocket of his jeans. He didn’t get far, though, before he sorta goosed the gas pedal a bit too briskly, and that 65-inch beauty squirted out the back and onto the road. Yeah, our dummy-of-the-day might have tried again, but we think he got squeamish as a crowd quickly gathered. He took off with the trunk lid flappin’. Asofthiswriting,thecar—valuedatlessthantheTV —isstillmissing.Andthethiefcan’tevenwatchESPNonit. The traffic stop couldn’t have seemed more routine. In Marion County, Ind., a female police officer spotted a guy speeding and swerving on his moped — not a motorcycle, not even a motorbike, but a moped, for Pete’s sake! Once she stopped Adam Yarbrough, it only got a little less routine when she found he was also operating the moped with a suspended driver’s license. Although the moped barely qualifies as a “motor vehicle,” Indiana requires a license to scoot along a public roadway on one. So, she began to scratch him out a citation for operating a moped at over 25 mph, doing so on an interstate highway, plus the suspended license violation. That’s when Mister Smooth-Talker let his alligator mouth overload his parakeet butt. First, he offered her $5 to tear up the ticket. Wow! Five whole dollars? But somehow she resisted and kept writing. Then, he allegedly sweetened the deal, offering to give her $5 and a kiss. Shockingly, she still wouldn’t accept. Can you imagine? How could she turn downanofferof$5—andakiss! —with a moped-ridin’ outlaw Romeo like Adam 26 AUGUST 2012 Commander Gilmore T Illustration by Nick Petrosino Romeo On A Moped Yarbrough? She not only refused, but added attempted bribery to the charges, and instead of writing Adam a citation, she booked him into jail. We assume he’s still stunned with her rejection. Right on the heels of learning about that $800,000-plus taxpayer-paid party for GSA employees in Las Vegas, we get this: The Department of Energy is offering a $100,000 prize — again, that’s our tax money—forsoftwarewriterstocomeup with a smart-phone app that tells consumers how much energy they’re using in their homes, shops and offices. Wow! Cool, huh? Offering a cash prize to private sources for something that will help people understand and plan their energy use and promote energy conservation! Ain’t that all “green” and environmentally sensitive, huh? Within minutes of the press release, DOE was flooded with messages advising them that dozens of those energy-info apps already exist, many of which do far more than the calculations hoped for by DOE, and almost all of which are free, or cost a couple of bucks to download. Putting Tax Money To Good Use We’re guessing that now the Einsteins at DOE will offer a million-dollar prize for someone to invent a two-wheeled lightweight vehicle that can be propelled to moderate speeds by human-power alone, like, by pedaling one’s feet to drive a geared mechanism of some kind . We’re thinkin’ Cedrick Mitchell should be more selective about his robbery victims, like, maybe he should try mugging grandmothers. He pulled a handgun on two guys at a motel in Bradenton, Fla., but they punched him out, grabbed his gun and pepper-sprayed him. He ran away. He should have taken his losses and gone home. But no, he dried his tears and when he could see and breathe again, he went back, knocked on their door and pleaded with them to give his gun back. He even offered them $40 for it. They declined — and hosed him down with pepper spray again! This time he was still crying, hackin’ and gagging, when the cops arrived. Well, maybe Cedrick shouldn’t try grandmothers, either. Some of ’em are tough. 9 Yeah, He’s A Real Tough Guy Subscribe to SI DIGITAL

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