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Shooting Industry April 2012 Digital Edition - Page 28

Back Blast Back Blast & other hot gases ebecca Hains really likes cupcakes. She even travels with a little emergency cupcake supply, neatly tucked away in a crushproof container, so the frosting doesn’t get smooshed. But how could she ever dare to try slipping such a dangerous weapon of sugary destruction (WSD) past our ever-vigilant Transportation Security Agency (TSA) screeners? Rebecca, a communications professor at Salem (Mass.) State University, was pulled out of the line at McCarran International Airport in Las Vegas. A TSA agent told her the frosting on her cupcake violated the “liquids and gels” prohibition, because it was “very gel-like.” Hains told reporters that the agent didn’t seem at all concerned that the cupcake might actually be explosive. In fact, he told her she could eat it before being cleared to board, as long as she ate it outside the security screening area. We presume he wouldn’t want her munching it in the airport — or suddenly lighting and throwing it — if the frosting were really plastic explosive. The issue was not whether it was an explosive or not, only that it sorta fit the regulatory language. “I just thought this was terrible logic,” she said. The poor soul didn’t realize that logic cannot be allowed to interfere with federal regulations! Rebecca wisely surrendered her deadly cupcake to federal authorities, thus potentially saving the United States of America from a possible technical violation of regulations, strictly interpreted, maybe, sorta. We have only two questions for TSA: What flavor was that frosting? And was it yummy? Commander Gilmore Saving The Nation From Frosted Cupcakes R Illustration by Nick Petrosino There’s at least one hawkeyed Vermont state trooper who really inspects his cruiser closely. While giving his ride a once-over recently, he discovered something a little odd in the big decals on the front doors: There was the state seal all right, showing a blue sky with fluffy white clouds, mountains, green grass, a pine tree, a cow and . a pig? Yup, one of the big markings on the official state moo-cow wasn’t just the irregular splotch it’s supposed to be. It was definitely a yellow pig. Subsequent observers said it was the kind of thing you wouldn’t normally see unless you were looking for it, but once you know it’s there, you can’t not see it. The big 16-inch decals are made by state prison inmates, who make a variety of products for Vermont agencies, including decals, signs and stationary. Obviously, some graphically gifted convict added the pig image in the digital layout process. It’s difficult to determine when the change was made — officials guess it was some- Hey, Is That The Official State Pig? time over a year and probably less than three years ago — so it will be tough to ID who did it. Meantime, state police have found the mystery piggy on about 30 cruisers, and they have more decals in stock, which will have to be replaced at a cost of about $780. Apparently Vermont intends to destroy those pig decals, and that’s too bad. We think they would sell on eBay for at least $100 each! Back in 2009, Jesse Dimmick was being pursued by the police for various nasty deeds when he broke into a home in Topeka, Kan. Holding the residents, Jared and Lindsay Rowley, at knife- and gunpoint, Dimmick explained he had to lay low for a while, so they ought to just chill out and go with the flow. And so they did, settling down for an evening of munchin’ on snacks and watching the movie Patch Adams on TV. Dimmick started nodding off, and when he fell asleep, those crafty, sneaky Hey, We Had A Deal! Rowleys crept out of the house and called the police. Since Dimmick was wanted for murder and auto theft, the cops took his arrest pretty seriously. Dimmick was shot in the process. He wound up paralyzed. First, Dimmick sued Topeka for shooting him. Then, the Rowleys, perhaps thinking Dimmick might get a big settlement, sued him for trespass and infliction of emotional distress. Then, Dimmick sued the Rowleys for — get this — breach of contract! Dimmick says while they were sittin’ around snacking, they came to an agreement — an oral contract — in which they promised to hide him out from the cops for a sum of money to be specified at a later date. By leaving the house and alerting the police, they violated that sacred oral contract! Hence, he asks for damages, since the Rowley’s actions resulted in his pain and paralysis. He, of course, wasn’t responsible. So far, the only people involved in this mess who might actually get some money out of it are the lawyers. 9 28 APRIL 2012 Subscribe to SI DIGITAL

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