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American Handgunner Sep/Oct 2011 Digital Edition - Page 24

John Connor GUNCRANKDIARIES ot, sweaty, stumbling, dusty. Ticked off over bein’ muzzle-swept by morons all day. Pour BIG adult beverage. Spill it. Pour another. Drink it so’s it doesn’t spill. What’s in this folder? Letters from readers, askin’ “What’s your take on fill-in-the-blank?” Wrong time, wrong mood, though that’s improving; see “beverage,” above. Okay, you asked for it. The China Problem: What’s the problem? Are we runnin’ low on plastic clothes hangers an’ cheap folding lawn chairs? Oh; that other “China problem.” I hear all this stuff about how buying Chinese products is good because they “increasingly see us as valued trading partners” and it makes ’em more like us (versus “like us more”). And I think, oh, yeah; like, if you invite a 6-foot crocodile into your bathtub and you throw roast chickens, beef briskets and bucks at it until it’s 26 feet long with jaws the size of Billy’s bass boat. Then of course, H SHRAP *you asked for it he’s gonna see you as a “valued trading partner” and won’t eat you. Yeah. Bought a microwave, TV or alarm clock lately? I wouldn’t mind the flood of gizmos and widgets so much if they added a line to that “Made in China” tag saying, “Thank you for your money. We buy strategic weapons, T-Bills and American politicians with it.” If I ever find a bag of Fritos with that tag on it, somebody else gets muzzle-swept. We still make the best guns and ammunition in the world though, and lots of ’em, thank God. That may save our bacon when China decides to come after us individually to collect that $1.2-billion per person debt because our government’s broke. At that point, some ChiCom general might pause and think, “Geez, they got a lotta guns and UN Headq uarters, N ew York: The world ’s most da zzling colle of museu m-quality ction fo all wrapp ed in silk otball bats — suits & TM EXCUSES, ALIBIS, PITHY OBSERVATIONS & GENERAL EPHUS FRAGS know how to use ’em!” Then he turns to a buncha PLA privates and says, “Okay, who wants to go first: you, Yu, or you, Woo? No takers? I gotta put a pistol to your heads?” And a PFC in the first rank thinks, “I got a better chance of him missing me at 6" than one of those Yankee IDPA handgunners missin’ me at 50 yards! I’ve seen ’em on YouTube!” And the invasion fizzles … he United Nations: People just don’t understand the UN. It only exists because the Mafia has strict membership rules. Thugs who couldn’t meet the mob’s racial and ethnic requirements wanted to have their own club, 5-star resort, and tons of other people’s money too. Hence, the United Nations. Say, why doesn’t the ACLU sue the Mafia over employment discrimination? Because the mob won’t pay to be harassed — we do, and take it meekly. The Mafia busts kneecaps. How long could the UN last without American money? I don’t know, but I’d like to find out. The UN is as useful as a huge display of expensive, highly polished football bats. Everybody Hates Us: Wrong. Lotsa’ people love us. Some hate us because basically, they want all the comforts, security and assets of a free, rich, enterprising society without the work, freedom and enterprise required to create it. Like modern American largesse but with seventhcentury rules, like keeping your women in coal sacks, being able to order the wife you bought to drown herself in the bathtub, and selling your surplus offspring for cash or khat. Some hate us only because they’ve been taught to, whether in a Wahabi madrassa, Harvard Law, a mud hut or an Ivy League journalism school; places where people are taught what to think, not how to think. Some will never forget we’ve defeated them. Others won’t forgive us for liberating them. And a certain percentage of the world’s humanoids are just natural-born miserable, gut-eatin’ haters, as smart, sane and humane as ticks on a burnin’ dog. Simple question about America: How many want in, and how many want out? America and Americans are widely liked, respected and admired. Wonder why you don’t hear about that? Re-read all after: “Wrong.” 24 T Frauds, Fads & FooTball baTs MORON EMPIRE he Sheep from Goats Conundrum: One reader sees “conservative liberals, whacko conservatives, rich trash, poor heroes,” etc., and wonders how to separate the sheep from the goats. Yeah; it’s like sortin’ a sack fulla’ ferrets blindfolded. You can’t categorize folks by skin, clothes, income and least of all by what they say. You gotta sort ’em by their core dynamics; what moves ’em. For some, it’s Duty, Honor and Country. For others it’s Rights, Liberty and Integrity. For the rest, it’s Frauds, Fads and Fetishes. Think about it, and it ain’t so hard. Dang! Outta space, and didn’t cover Borders or Anchor Babies … but I feel better! In closing, remember, none of the above problems could exist without the passive or active support of a certain kinda people. The Mongol Empire, history’s greatest, once spread from China and India to Moscow and the Hungarian plains. Now there’s a much bigger one. Its subjects are everywhere, world-wide. It’s the Moron Empire. When they come to recruit you, just tell ’em “Go away, or somebody’s gonna get muzzle-swept …” Connor OUT. T * WWW.AMERICANHANDGUNNER.COM • SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER2011

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